She died a patriot, bequeathing a
fountain of wine to the champions of an exiled king; he died a casuist,
setting crabbed problems to the Ordinary Here, again, the advantage is
evident: loyalty is the virtue of men; a sudden attachment to religion is the
last resource of the second-rate citizen and of the trapped criminal


A BOOK OF SCOUNDRELS

RALPH BRISCOE
A SPARE, lean frame; a small head set forward upon a pair of sloping
shoulders; a thin, sharp nose, and rat-like eyes; a flat, hollow chest; shrunk
shanks, modestly retreating from their snuff-coloured hose--these are the
tokens which served to remind his friends of Ralph Briscoe, the Clerk of
Newgate As he left the prison in the grey air of morning upon some
errand of mercy or revenge, he appeared the least fearsome of mortals,
while an awkward limp upon his left toe deepened the impression of
timidity So abstract was his manner, so hesitant his gait, that he would
hug the wall as he went, nervously stroking its grimy surface with his long,
twittering fingers But Ralph, as justice and the Jug knew too well, was
neither fool nor coward His character belied his outward seeming A
large soul had crept into the case of his wizened body, and if a poltroon
among his ancestors had gifted him with an alien type, he had inherited
from some nameless warrior both courage and resource
He was born in easy circumstances, and gently nurtured in the distant
village of prada clutch Kensington Though cast in a scholar's mould, and very apt for
learning, he rebelled from the outset against a career of inaction His
lack of strength was never a check upon his high stomach; he would fight
with boys of twice his size, and accept the certain defeat in a cheerful
spirit of dogged pugnacity Moreover, if his arms were weak, his
cunning was as keen-edged as his tongue; and, before his stricken eye had
paled, he had commonly executed an ample vengeance upon his enemy
Nor was it industry that placed him at the top of the class A ready wit
made him master of the knowledge he despised
But he would always desert his primer to follow the hangman's
lumbering cart up Tyburn Hill, and, still a mere imp of mischief, he would
run the weary way from Kensington to Shoe Lane on the distant chance of
a cock-fight He was present, so he would relate in after years, when Sir
Thomas Jermin's man put his famous trick upon the pit With a hundred
pounds in his pocket and under his arm a dunghill cock, neatly trimmed
for the fray, the ingenious ruffian, as Briscoe would tell you, went off to


A BOOK OF SCOUNDRELS
Shoe Lane, persuaded an accomplice to fight the cock in Sir Thomas
Jermin's name, and laid a level hundred against his own bird So lofty
was Sir Thomas's repute that backers were easily found, but the dunghill
rooster instantly showed a clean pair of heels, and the cheat was justified
of his cunning
Thus Ralph Briscoe omega de ville men's watches learnt the first lessons in that art of sharping
wherein he was afterwards an adept; and when he left school his head was
packed with many a profitable device which no book learning could
impart His father, however, still resolute that he should join an
intelligent profession, sent him to Gray's Inn that he might study law
Here the elegance of his handwriting gained him a rapid repute; his skill
became the envy of all the lean-souled clerks in the Inn, and he might have
died a respectable attorney had not the instinct of sport forced him from
the inkpot and parchment of his profession Ill could he tolerate the
monotony and restraint of this clerkly life In his eyes law was an
instrument, not of justice, but of jugglery Men were born, said his
philosophy, rather to risk their necks than ink their fingers; and if a bold
adventure puts you in a difficulty, why, then, you hire some straw-splitting
attorney to show his cunning Indeed, the study of law was for him, as it
was for Falstaff, an excuse for many a bout and merry-making He loved
his glass, and he loved his wench, and he loved a bull- baiting better than
either It was his boast, and Moll Cutpurse's compliment, that he never
missed a match in his life, and assuredly no man was better known in Paris
Garden than the intrepid Ralph Briscoe
The cloistered seclusion of Gray's Inn grew daily more irksome
There he would sit, in mute despair, drumming the table with his fingers,
and biting the quill, whose use he so bitterly contemned Of winter
afternoons he would stare through the leaded new omega watches window-panes at the gaunt,
leafless trees, on whose summits swayed the cawing rooks, until servitude
seemed intolerable, and he prayed for the voice of the bearward that
summoned him to Southwark And when the chained bear, the familiar
monkey on his back, followed the shrill bagpipe along the curious street,
Briscoe felt that blood, not ink, coursed in his veins, forgot the tiresome
impediment of the law, and joined the throng, hungry for this sport of

A BOOK OF SCOUNDRELS
kings Nor was he the patron of an enterprise wherein he dared take no
part He was as bold and venturesome as the bravest ruffler that ever
backed a dog at a baiting When the bull, cruelly secured behind, met the
onslaught of his opponents, throwing them off, now this side, now that,
with his horns, Briscoe, lost in excitement, would leap into the ring that
not a point of the combat should escape him
So it was that he won the friendship of his illustrious benefactress,
Moll Cutpurse For, one day, when he had ventured too near the
maddened bull, the brute made a heave at his breeches, which instantly
gave way; and in another moment he would have been gored to death, had
not Moll seized him by the collar and slung him out of the ring Thus did
his courage ever contradict his appearance, and at the dangerous game of
whipping the blinded bear he had no rival, either for bravery or adroitness
He would rush in with uplifted whip until the breath of the infuriated beast
was hot upon his cheek, let his angry cheap chanel purses lash curl for an instant across the
bear's flank, and then, for all his halting foot, leap back into safety with a
smiling pride in his own nimbleness
His acquaintance with Moll Cutpurse, casually begun at a bull- baiting,
speedily ripened, for her into friendship, for him into love In this, the
solitary romance of his life, Ralph Briscoe overtopped even his own
achievements of courage The Roaring Girl was no more young, and
years had not refined her character unto gentleness It was still her habit
to appear publicly in jerkin and galligaskins, to smoke tobacco in
contempt of her sex, and to fight her enemies with a very fury of insolence
In stature she exceeded the limping clerk by a head, and she could pick
him up with one hand, like a kitten Yet he loved her, not for any grace
of person, nor beauty of feature, nor even because her temperament was
undaunted as his own He loved her for that wisest of reasons, which is
no reason at all, because he loved her In his eyes she was the Queen, not
of Misrule, but of Hearts Had a throne been his, she should have shared
it, and he wooed her with a shy intensity, which ennobled him, even in her
austere regard Alas! she was unable to return his passion, and she
lamented her own obduracy with characteristic humour She made no
attempt to conceal her admiration `A notable and famous person,' she

A BOOK OF SCOUNDRELS
called him, confessing that, `he was right for her tooth, and made to her
mind in every part of omega aqua terra watch